Opening the Door Read online

  He was truly happy with the embrace that had plenty of kissing, hugging, and then stroking of the face, which we exchanged equally. But a numbness made light when I mentioned the name again, “So, Tina. How did she know?”

  Curtis shut it out and led me upstairs where we had more sex until a nap had to come. He spooned me, and I felt his breath that raised the hairs on my neck and made me still with no movement. My oxygen got impaired and a choking cough that didn’t wake Curtis came and wouldn’t leave.

  I coughed up a storm and an unwelcome reality: what was the brakes that Curtis couldn’t remove from Tina knowing? Nothing serious… I turned to him after going to get some water. “Nothing serious?” I whispered, and he slept on-and-on. I massaged his jet-black hair until he groaned for me to stop. It brought a nervy smile because there was a scent on Curtis, a familiar scent.

  A perfume. It triggered in me a time when “He had this perfume on him. Tina … Tina, are you listening to me?”

  Tina seemed distracted. “Uh huh. Yeah, what perfume?”

  “A female’s. Not too expensive like Chanel or j’adore, but it was apple sweet, fruity. And that’s what stood out for me. Do you think I’m overreacting to it? Maybe it rubbed off onto his collar and me… it just smelled …”

  “Single out women who have that fruity perfume and then come back with your answer.”

  “So, you think Curtis is seeing someone?”

  “I don’t know. You’re both single and only come together to hook up. So, there shouldn’t be an issue.”

  “I know but …” And I never finished it because Tina had lost interest in the conversation and I lost heart to carry on when I was the only one who started to piece together Curtis and my reason for suspecting that he never wanted anything serious with me.

  But him lying there and my nose doing tricks on me was an instinct that my eyes might come with a consequence to a nerve that wanted to burst and leave me with a leakage. I shook him awake, “Get up. Let’s go pick up Tina and catch a film?”

  “No. I’m too tired for that.”

  “She’d love to hear the good news about me and you.” I shoved him in the side of his gut until it made a difference with his laziness.

  “How about tomorrow?” He asked drowsily and with no intent to follow through.

  “Spontaneity. I and Tina love it.”

  “I know you both do.”

  I stared at him but kept what I thought in a box, and then another locked casket came when we drove to Tina, who answered my message that it would be great to see me. I didn’t mention that Curtis was with me, so she would not be suspected of him.

  Tina lived in a small area where that had reasonably-priced apartments that a single man or woman could afford. Like long Lego pieces turned upright, they stood with a balcony, colored cream and white, with dark brown roofs that had a triangular finish. Working professionals and students found it handy as a university was nearby and great links to transport could be accessed.

  Curtis lived a few roads away in a similar setup, only that his cost more and attracted couples and families. The road was a long one, so when we came to her apartment, it was a good seventy-yards away until he parked.

  “You can wait in the car.” I gave Curtis a peck and then got out in my short lipstick-red dress that did wonders for my chest area that Curtis kept peaking when he thought I wasn’t looking. I smiled each time he did.

  Ding-dong. Ding-dong. Ding-dong. When Tina opened-up, she was dressed in a black number with lipstick to match and her hair straightened all the way down with a long blonde ponytail. It was sleek and polished. I stared at her and forgot that we had agreed to go for a quiet dinner.

  “You look very sexy,” I complimented her.

  “Had to try for your good news.” She came out the door and scanned for my car. “Did you take the bus?”

  “No, I came with a special guest?”

  “Is he a single guest?” Tina never joked like this.

  “I thought you loved singledom?”

  “Not when the hormones kick in.” We walked out her front gate. When Curtis’ car came into sight, Tina stopped and gave me a serious glare. “Is that Curtis?”

  “Yeah, is there a problem?”

  “No, just … is that the good news? You and him?”

  “Spoilsport! Yes, Curtis and I are officially a couple.” I grinned, but Tina didn’t. Instead, she frowned beyond the goodwill of making me feel comfortable. Lost was what I felt. Even worse, my good friend was not pleased with all the encouragement for me to give Curtis a chance. “I thought you’d be happy?” I was confused at this, with no idea what to make of her reaction.

  “I think I need to go back in…”

  “No.” I wouldn’t have that. “What the hell is going on?” I paced a little to Curtis’s car and banged on the window for him to wind-down before Tina reached her front door. When I checked, she had entered swiftly inside her gate and that annoyed me. “What the hell is going on here? She doesn’t want to come out.”

  “Why not?”

  “You tell me!?” One glimpse of you and she went redder than a plump.

  “You’ll need to speak with her.”

  “Why?” Ba-boom-ba-boom-ba-boom-ba-boom! My ears were filled with that sound. I could pass out! But not yet. Not at that moment when for once, I would get a straight answer from him.

  “Her sister…”

  “Whose sister?”

  “Tina.” Curtis gulped the whole word and wouldn’t be able to lodge it from the thorax.

  “Yes, the one who lives in Spain?”

  “Please, Marie, speak to her. Let her tell you what side of the story fits best.”

  CHAPTER 3

  I never had any reason to distrust my best friend. If ever a hand needed to be held in a time of need, it was hers. And that was no stretch on how often I stuck up for her demand of single and sexy being her status. She rejected many for the fact that she didn’t want the hazards of what came with the snags of a one-on-one.

  Tina attracted those who wanted to call her back after she had given up the golden cookies that she concealed underneath those skirts and tops that left little to the imagination but still held firm on her love of not revealing too much; a conundrum that sold yours, but not really, that’s only a figment of your imagination.

  Her way of thinking was fresher than the outdoors that we loved to explore. But a dark side looms when the preaching doesn’t match the teaching. When a relationship for me failed, Tina would encourage me to give it another go. When I had my doubts, she was there reassuring me that I overthought too much and needed to let go.

  And at times I’d say, “Tina, has it occurred you that you never take your own advice?”

  “All the time, but you should know I prefer to help others than myself.” If that was true, then that day I approached her would be riffed with more respect for me and less for her sister. Tina’s sister was the identical twin, but they weren’t twins; just one was more extreme than the other when it came to their personalities.

  Sana was just as sexy, more reserved though, and had no quims with what she called open relationships. It was what she dabbled in, and that meant she would often accuse her partners of jealousy even though they knew the deal. She was right but her selfishness sometimes pinned other women in the lurch of not being told by their own boyfriends that they were in this relationship with her.

  So, she often got caught up in needless drama that never went away overnight. “He has some nerve to send you in here. How dare he? I have good mind to walk out there and have a…”

  “Curtis has gone for a ride. Can I come in? Or do we have to speak on this out here when it’s not even warm out?”

  Tina let me in and we sat down in the living room that was full of transparent glasses and china, cups, spoons. And her love of the rolling stones on posters. It had a country home feel with table mats, comfy rugs, pillows that were green and bigger than the double sofa, and then pictures of her and
Sana at their summer home and bar in Spain. Sana often went over to overlook the business that was run by a good friend over there, so she stayed a few weeks each month to sort taxes too.

  “Curtis said to ask you about Sana. So here I am, wanting to know.”

  “Jesus! Call him on the phone and get him on the loudspeaker.”

  “What? No! Tina, let me know what the heck is happening here? How the hell does Curtis know Sana?”

  “Oh, come on!” Tina slung her cream handbag and keys onto her round dining table that had recently arrived in a lorry the other day. She had wanted it for some time, so she checked to see if her keys had scratched it. “Marie … I love you.”

  “This can’t be good.” I sat down and tapped my thumb on the other. “Get it over with.”

  “Get him on the phone!”

  “There’s no need to shout! Bring down the level of irritation.”

  “It’s just so typical to hear, ‘let her tell you’. Like I should bear the brunt of this and not him who started it all.”

  Curtis who answered straight away and I put him on the loudspeaker. “He’s there, Tina.”

  “Curtis, why are you putting this down to me?”

  “Your side of the story. Tell your side.”

  “My side involves my sister.” Tina clenched her face when she saw how wide my mouth was open. “Marie, please understand that I took you into account when Sana told me what happened. You know I never lie to you. Ever. So please, understand that when Sana said she was pregnant, it never occurred to me that a potential father…”

  “Marie…” Curtis interrupted nervously.

  “A potential father?!” I was always good at math equations, but this one, I chose to remain void when the equal sign came and there was no other answer to give. I had to let my processor run on its own accord because all around me stopped functioning.

  No sound came when Curtis approached me with the hope that my empathetic license was still accountable. And Tina just ran back and forth into the kitchen between telling me, “Just sit down, just sit,” and then carrying a bottle of gin that she wanted us to share as a three-way to get us all on the same level again.

  But it was out there for me to catch, “Curtis could be a potential father to Sana’s baby.” And I knew about her not knowing who the father was. She was very open about that. Very.

  There was three according to what she said, and not one of them stood a chance in the paternal market because they all had reputations that told no lies in their intentions. Sana said to be prepared for, “pending … busy … pending … oh, was I meant to call you later?” And we laughed. Because why lie? We had all experienced that sort of personality when we were younger, but as you got older, wiser, and more aware of what it meant, it became sort of explosion that you’d diffuse before getting to close, too soon. There was no too soon with Curtis. The situation called for me to back right-off and declare that this was the truth. “Is this true? Did you and Sana get intimate?”

  “Yes, but it was not when we were together or seeing each other. Technically, we’ve been single for the past two years.”

  “And that gave you the reason to sleep with my best friend’s sister? Have you thought about the complications that doing something like that brings?”

  “It’s not a complication,” he searched for the reason why it’s not within his head. “I see it as being single at the time.”

  “Single or not, I never found the time to sleep with your best friend’s sister just because we both are …” I did the bend-bend with my middle and index finger to identify with the ignored idiocy that Curtis fails to address; “just because we are single.”

  “You can’t accuse me of anything since we weren’t even an item. So, am I wrong to think then that you’ve approached this as if I’m your boyfriend that has cheated on you?”

  “You might be the father! Curtis, I’m not in the habit of sharing.”

  Tina had been trying to insert herself as the consistent full stop, but Curtis and I were now the exclamation marks and they weren’t going to be deleted. “You can’t put this on me like a crime committed. That’s not fair.”

  “Don’t worry, you can sort that out with Sana. Because I’m leaving this right where it needs to be, with her sister.”

  “Marie.”

  “No. Let me know when the results come back. The pair of you!”

  * * * *

  It came down to how many months she was pregnant. That was what I needed to work out for myself before they came back with their results. Sana had the baby a couple of months later, and she messaged each of the potential fathers, with only Curtis and another guy called Matthew getting back to her.

  There was no communication between Tina and I. It was the hardest thing for me to do. I felt bad deep down, but it meant some time away to think. In the space of two years, although not official, Curtis had asked me to be his girlfriend more than eight times. Once was at a birthday party, “Will you be my girlfriend?” I had replied, “No.”

  Another was when he showed up outside my workplace with a bunch of white lilies and a card. When I opened it, the words written were, “Will you be my girlfriend? Let’s make this official!” And then I took the card and wrote, “No.”

  The third time was more spontaneous during intercourse in his backyard when the nighttime was hotter than the day that had passed. He wanted to say, “I love you,” but he turned it around with, “I like the idea of you being my girlfriend. So, how about it now?” But no… no… no. I just couldn’t say yes.

  And the fourth time ended in an argument when I stormed out because he had asked me, and it somehow upset me that I couldn’t say those three simple letters: y … e … s!

  I got to the subway station; onto the platform, and he wouldn’t let me onto the train, so I missed three that went by in ten-minute intervals. “Just let me go, Curtis.” The passengers tried to ignore the dramatics, but Curtis and I were never ones to shy away from a public display.

  “Another no. Is there something wrong with the idea of us going serious?”

  “I can’t.” The emotions bled from the past wounds. “It’s all too soon.”

  “The amount of endurance I put in for you. The women that I turn away just…”

  “Don’t. Just don’t.”

  “I’m going to say it. I can’t be around all this rejection when I feel so strongly for you. It’s too much for me to take. If you don’t want to be my girlfriend, then let’s just do what we want to do. “No reason to…”

  “OK fine.” And that’s when it began, the free-to-see-whom-we-want-with a-day-pass-back-to-each-other’s-beds. And when it struck down the next day, it hurt to not have Curtis there with a grasp.

  There was no more frequency, and the inconsistency of his whereabouts got me rolling through an extra cup of espresso because I missed him more than I could write down on a lover’s cheque. It brought me back to my ex, to my love, but if I was in love, then it was long ago, and I never fully healed from it.

  And then I said it wasn’t love. So, where do you come into it, Jackson? He came straight at a point when I had said love was for those who read novels and dreamt of unobtainable alpha males that have a soft heart and can melodramatically change because the intention was to sell that fantasy to them.

  Jackson, like Curtis, was a fantasy wrapped up in a cinnamon roll and so tasty that I thought eating him would give me diabetes. It was just my luck to run into a basic playboy who made no attempt to hide from his ways, and I admired the truth and fell for it all the same. But what came to me when I didn’t need it to be there was an image of me and him going at it for the long haul.

  We had all the credentials to be a couple: good sex, love, compatibility, a similar sense of humor, chemistry in all the right places, and the ability to laugh away our problems with each other. He was my medicine and I constantly felt healed whenever I spoke to him on the phone for hours and hours on end. And then we’d have the soppy you hang up, no, y
ou hang up episodes that dissolved my heart and blended mine with his.

  But like all good fairy tales of wanting what you can’t have, it ended terribly. We had made it official and I was on top of the moon to have my first official boyfriend that clicked more than fish bait. It went OK for a few months and he seemed fully dedicated to me and my feelings.

  Jackson was attentive and rarely strayed from the truth when it came to how he and I were going. Only, the truth started to look greyer when the details needed to be spread out for us to play. “You know … I’ve never fully been able to tell you how I really feel.”

  I had not thought about anything beyond how well things were currently going. In my mind, we were happy, all good, and with no problems. Just happiness painted all over our faces to the point where observers joked about us getting married as they had never seen such a beautiful and promising pair. It was perfect. No other word to describe a no-strings-attached portal.

  My head rested on his shoulder when he said that. And when that shiver but don’t cry came, it brought my heart to where an icebox needed to be---and it fitted in nicely: no need for the mortuary to get my size; it was all there. “Yeah. I … I don’t think this is working out, Marie. We’re just too different.”

  My heart started to lose its pump-pump-pump, but I wouldn’t allow it to stop. “What … what do you mean it isn’t working?” An inexperienced voice gave a boost to how cold he felt now’’---Ice. Jackson went icy, but only I tried to keep the hypothermia away to keep alive. And it was a struggle to win when the loss was there. “You waited to tell me this after we had become an item. Why would you do something like that to me?” The space between us drifted farther and farther apart.

  Jackson built a wall that was sterner, stronger, unbreakable. “How could I? Even I wasn’t sure if it was just me. But then I observed your behavior and you showed me all the signs that meant you were in this for the long run.” I held back the tears. “I really, really tried for you. I gave my all to this”

  The tears wanted to come, “Why ask me to be your girlfriend?”

  “I guess the need to be closer to you. Your company was therapeutic, and it meant the world. But we were better than friends.”